Understanding
by PinkFriday123
Summary: sometimes all you need is for someone to understand.  To know your not alone. Eli/Liberty Eli/Fionafriendship. TwoSHOT.
1. understood

He sighed and payed the cab driver and got out. He stared up at gate leading to the cementary. The same cementary that holds the love of his life. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to stop the tears and the memory of the day she was buried and how her sister woudn't stop crying or the look on her fathers face becuase even though they fought alot he loved his duaghter dearly.

Putting his hoody on, trying to protect himself from the wind, he made his way past the gate and up the path. He looked around seeing millions of people who were once happy, breathing, _alive__**, **_who are now six feet under the ground he was walking on, with no hope of ever getting out. Thinking that only made him even more depressed as he held back more tears becuase, well _she_ was here, with all these people. _She_ didn't deserve to be here. It was his fualt, all of it.

A tear slid down his cheek as he stared at the tomb stone. Julia. _His _Julia. He kneeled down and touched her name. Tracing the lines as it started to rain slightly. Everything had been hell lately. Clare walked out on him. She left him after promising to always be there for him. But he shoudn't blame her. He was insane and he knew it. But he couldn't help but feel used. Whenever Clare needed him to be there _he was there._ But when he needer her most, she left. Without ever looking back. And thats what hurt most of all.

Another tear feel as he thought about his life. He was bullied ever since he was kid, never given any mercy. The people he loved always seemed to leave him and he had all this baggage on his shoulder wieghing him down with no chance of every leaving. The guilt was _killing_ him. He didn't know what to do. All everyone ever did was tell him to move one. Tell him to be happy but how? How are you supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine when you have nothing to smile about? He was no reason to wake up in the morning, nothing to make his sun shine. He was alone. No one understands that its not easy! The one person he loved the most is _dead! _It's like losing a mother sort of. You never want to replace her becuase you will always love her. But nobody got that. Nobody got that Eli will always love Julia even if he did move on becuase what thay had was real.

He didn't need some one to tell him what to do. Or any one saying its okay becuase he knows its not okay. He doesn't need anyone to be there for him. All he needs is for some one, _anyone _to just understand.

He looked up quickly wiping his tears as he heard footsteps. He saw a girl in her early twenties walking up the path he was walking up a few minutes ago. She was dark skined and had on a buisness suit. She was also carrying a bouqet of white roses. She didn't notice him until she stopped at the tomb stone next to the on he was in. She gave an awkward smile whispered a small hello.

"Hey" Eli whispered back now standing up staring down at Julia's grave. He looked over at the tomb stone the girl was at and saw _James __Tiberius Yorke. _He looked at her and said

"Your brother?" She looked up startled but gave a small smile.

"No actually we were, well we dated for a while and we had a kid. We were inlove but he was dating someone else. Its... complicated." She said

Eli nodded and looked back to Julia's grave. He sighed and heard the girl ask " She your sister or... ?" He smirked slightly and replied

"No actually, she is- I mean was my girlfriend. Died 2 years ago over spring break." His voice cracking slightly at the end. He closed his eyes and took deap breaths trying not to start crying like a little wimp in front of a stranger.

The girl nodded and stuck her hand out. "Liberty"

"Eli" He said taking her hand and shaking it.

"How did she die? If you dont mind me asking" She said quickly.

Eli sigh and looked at his now wet shoes.

"We got into a fight late at night. She left my house on her bike and... she got hit by a car. It was my fualt. Like everything else is." He said whispering the last part.

"Oh. Well J.T was stabbed after leaving my brithday party late at night. Heh looks like we have that in commen." Liberty said smiling sadly.

"Yeah... Do you ever feel guilty?" He asked instintly regretting it. "Not that it was your fualt I mean you didn't push him or anything i mean i woudn't now i wasn't there." He said quickly mentally smacking himself.

"Hah don't worry I'm not offended. Yes I have felt guilty for his death, but I realized that I didn't tell him to leave. I didn't push him out and most of all I didn't stab him so I have nothing to be guilty about." She said looking at Eli.

"But- nevermind" He said sighing slightly.

"Look, did you push Julia in front of the car that hit her?" She asked Eli who was now sitting indian style on the ground.

"No" He said inaudibly. " But I did get her mad. And if I had never gotten her mad then she woudn't have left. And if she never would have left she would still be alive."He whispered.

Liberty sat down next him. She sat there thinking for a few minutes before saying "Everything happens for a reason."

"Im athiest. I don't believe in 'God'" He said matter of factly.

"Ah but this has nothing to do with God. Everything happens for a reason. Julia dieing made you stonger as a person."

"I never learned from my mistake i guess. My ex girlfriend dumped me becuase I was suffocating her."

"Well then that helped you learn not to depend on a person too much eh?"

"I guess" He said.

"If theres anything I learned from J.t's death it was that the biggest mistaks are the one's you never learn from."

"I don't get it" Eli said looking at her confused.

" You thought you could always protect Clare becuase of what happened with Julia when really all you needed to do was let her protect her self." Liberty said getting up and laying the roses on J.T's tomb stone. She turned to Eli and said "Don't let all of the baggage on your shoulders stop you from being happy. Sometimes being happy can change everything. Even your point of view on things. I understand that you love her, and truth is you always will. Don't let what anyone tells you stop you from loving her becuase even if you did move on she will always be in your heart. You will never forget her. Thats just the way it is" She said smiling before wallking away.

Eli smiled pressed a kiss to Julia's tomb Stone and whispered "It's time to move on love, but I will always love you."

He walked down the same path he walked up smiling becuase for once he knows he's not alone.


	2. not alone

He sighed shakily before getting up from his bed. Today was the first day back to Degrassi after spring break and he was scared shitless. He could admit that since he had that conversation with Liberty at the cementery he felt better. Much better actually, he threw some stuff out from his room, and even though it was only 2 or 3 things, he felt proud of himself. He even suggested to CeCe and Bullfrog he get a therapist to which they both quickly agreed.

But he was still scared of how things would be between him and Clare because even though part of him hated Clare for leaving him like that another part of him wanted Clare in his life even if it was only as friends. But it didn't matter what he wanted, it's what she wanted and that's what he was scared to know.

He walked down the stairs and into his kitchen all dressed up and ready to go when he saw his parents in each other's arms smiling and gazing lovingly at each other. He smiled. That's what he wanted one day, what his parents had. They had been married for 20 years yet every time they see each other it's like the first time.

He cleared his throat which caused his parents to pull apart and look at him. His mom blushed and walked over to him. "How are you feeling baby boy? Are you sure you want to go to school today?"

"Mom I have to go sooner or later and I just want to get this over with." He replied honestly while grabbing an apple. He kissed his moms cheek and nodded at his dad before heading to the bus stop.

Once at Degrassi Eli felt sick. He felt as though he might throw up or something. He needed to calm down he kept telling himself but it wasn't working. Taking a deep breath he walked up the steps and into Degrassi silently hoping Clare had already went to her locker. He sighed and lost all hope of today being a good day when he saw Clare, Alli and Adam standing by Clare's locker laughing. He slowly made his way to his locker muttering a quiet 'excuse me' to Alli who was standing in his way. They all grew quiet and stared at him shocked.

Adam was the first to break the silence by yelling "DUDE" before attacking Eli in a hug. Eli chuckled and smiled slightly. He took his things out of his locker and headed to class when a hand clasped on his shoulder. He turned around and his heart dropped.

"Clare?"

"I wanted to apologize. For breaking my promises I just didn't know what to do." She said all while staring at the ground.

"Its fine. I love you enough to let you go, so as long as your happy I'm happy" He said smiling a small smile.

At lunch Eli sat by a memorial who he had just noticed, belonged the same guy that Liberty went to visit a few days ago. That must mean she went to Degrassi. So lost in his thoughts Eli didn't notice some walk by and stop in front of him.

"What are you doing here?"

Eli jumped slightly and relaxed when he saw it was just Fiona.

"I um I didn't want to go to lunch." He whispered shyly.

"Oh. Well would you mind company? Holly J has a student council meeting." She said already sitting next to Eli.

"I heard about the whole rehab thing, I'm glad you're better. "Eli said looking at her and smirking slightly.

"Yeah. I heard about the car accident. I'm glad you're better." She said teasingly which caused Eli's smirk to turn bigger.

"Yea well, I'm crazy haven't you heard?" Eli said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. It was true; there was new rumor spreading through Degrassi. Supposedly the schools emo boy tried to commit suicide by purposely crashing his hearse and they had locked him up in the loony bin. Even worst then that they were saying he came back to Degrassi just to kill Clare.

"Yea well I never trust rumors. Besides I know what it's like to be called crazy." Fiona said smiling at Eli.

"If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, look for me. I know what it's like to feel crazy so just know you're not alone. Only a crazy person understands another crazy person eh?" She said before hugging Eli slightly and walking away.

There it was again. That warm feeling that he got Liberty gave him advice. That feeling you get when you realize that you're aren't alone. Eli smiled and decided that one day in the near future he would take her up on that offer because for once In his life since Julia died he knew everything was going to be alright because he wasn't alone and someone out there understood how he felt.

He wasn't alone and just that thought made him smile his first real smile in days.


End file.
